Remember that time when you met a really nice girl at a conference and she told you she was a yogi and she invited you to take a Bikram class with her and then you showed up and you realized you wore pants (and some people were straight up just wearing their underwear) and you took the class anyway and almost passed out and then vowed you'd still be her friend even though you will never do that again?
Do you see where this is going? Right.
So last week, I was giving a presentation at a conference, and the room monitor started chatting with me about yoga. I told her I taught at a studio in town and she invited me to take a class with her. I had always been curious about Bikram; I had friends who were completely addicted, hitting class between 4 - 5 times a week.
Apparently, there is a protocol of things you need to know before taking your first Bikram class. A quick Google search would have probably revealed an easy "How-To Bikram" but alas, in my mistake, hopefully the rest of you can gain some wisdom.
Things I did wrong (that probably should have led to instant death, but didn't. Thankfully.):
1) Wore pants. The room is 103 degrees. Pants are a bad idea.
2) Did not hydrate at all during the day. Fatal, fatal mistake.
3) Forgot about eating food. Sometimes, when you are about to sweat 80% of your body weight, food beforehand is pretty important.
4) Did not bring a towel. A virtual slip-and-slide on my yoga mat, my friends.
5) Did not bring water with me. I am miraculously still alive (but just barely).
Things that were so batshit-crazy to me I almost lost consciousness (no, wait, that was from sweating through every piece of clothing I had on):
1) You cannot leave the room. You should try to actually lose consciousness so that they let you leave the room, but short of a full-on pass-out episode, your ass is stuck in there.
2) You cannot take a drink of water for the first, like, thirty minutes. Which is okay if you're sitting at your desk, but when you are losing seven gallons of water a minute, you should probably temper the effort until that first water break
3) They want you to stretch so far it hurts. What? Wait, what?
4) The instructor is your friend at the beginning and at the end when she is trying to sell you an unlimited, one-month package, but during those 90 minutes of class, she hates your fucking guts.
5) The class will be packed with people. I want to run up to them and say "BUT THERE'S ANOTHER YOGIC WAY! WHY ARE YOU TORTURING YOURSELVES?!" but alas, it was not my mitzvah.
In all fairness, it wasn't that bad, but hilarious to look back on. Have any of you guys tried Bikram? Tell me your love/hate stories!