Best Compliment Ever

Imagine me clutching this book to my chest. Romantic, eh? (source)

There is this Anne Lamott book that I just read about writing. It is also about life and how writing relates to life. My sister had sent it to me for my birthday and, I'm ashamed to say, it sat unopened, under my bed for like two weeks.

(In all fairness, I had cleaned my room and forgotten I had stored it there.)

(And by "cleaned my room", I meant shoved everything I own under my bed so that anyone who came to visit thought I had a modicum of tidiness to my nature.)

My sister recommends me a lot of books. She's a therapist, so she's sort of licensed to do that. But she's also my sister, which makes it supremely annoying when she thinks she knows more about my 20-something life than I do. (She does. See? Annoying!)

This is how the exchange goes whenever she finishes telling me about a book that I ABSOLUTELY MUST GET RIGHT THIS MINUTE OR ELSE I WILL SINK DEEPLY INTO A PIT OF MY OWN DEPRESSION AND DESPAIR. Except it sounds much more therapist-y when she says it.

Sister: Oh, really, you should get this book called "If The Buddha Dated/Grace (Eventually)/Bird by Bird/every-other-book-I've-read-in-my-recent-adulthood"

Me: Yea? Okay. Maybe if I'm around the area of the library tonight I'll stop by and grab it...

Sister: Wait...what? The library? Uh, hello? Go to a freaking bookstore and buy it. Like, seriously. You make an NYC salary. LIVE A LITTLE. (no, she is not therapist-y sounding when she's talking to me like my sister. Yes, it's annoying.)

Me: Oh, uh, okay. Maybe. I mean, I don't think it's really for me. Like, really? Buddha? I don't really get down with the east Asian religion thang. Simply not enough guilt built in for my Catholic-harvested brain.

(Two weeks later...)

Sister: Did you get that book that I recommended to you?

Me: No. I read about it. It sounds New Age-y. I'm hip and cool and I AM CERTAINLY NOT NEW AGE-Y. (crosses arms for emphasis. Even though we're talking on the phone.)

Sister: Oh, for the love of Christ, I'm sending it to you. Check your mailbox.

After which I crack it open semi-reluctantly, fall desperately in love with it, stay up until 3am to finish it, and cry my face into the pillow.

There is also a lot of book-to-chest clutching. And sighing. It's all very embarrassing and now I am sort of self-conscious that you're imagining me doing this. In my nightgown.

*dies of shame*

One of my favorite chapters of the book is called "Shitty First Drafts." Mostly because I write a lot of shitty first drafts of blog post. Half of the time I will write a blog post or two a day, and then can't ever imagine anyone wanting to read anything about it, so I save it in my drafts and move on with my day. I don't publish because it's a mix of embarrassment that I thought anyone would even WANT to read about whatever it is that I'm writing about, and the fact that I have some serious issues maintaining a constant tense in one blog post. (I'm working on it.)

But she says so many times throughout the book that, no matter how hard we try, as writers, we will NEVER EVER come up with a new topic to talk about. Seriously. Everything has already been covered. So, she says, (and I'm paraphrasing, but stay with me) just get it out. Whatever you have to say. It might be a shitty first draft. But it will get better with some authenticity and patience. And editing. Mostly editing.

And what hasn't been covered, particularly in fiction or expositional writing, is personal experience. And that got me to thinking (don't. channel. Carrie. Bradshaw.)...

Isn't that why we all blog or write or read in the first place? Not because we want to be famous writers and make gajillions of dollars off of some imaginary characters that fly around on broomsticks as a wizarding school or falling in love with vampires (okay, well not ALL of us). Isn't it because we all really want to share our own account of our human experience?

Sometimes the things I put down on paper are solely because I just don't want to feel alone in my feelings. I get frustrated, and annoyed, and pissed. And hungry. I just want to know that there are others out there who feel the same way. It's part of the reason I do read so many blogs. Because I like the community of it. I like the way that people expose themselves, and can say "Hey, actually? I'm not all that terribly great. And I get down on myself. And sometimes it sucks. So you're not the first to feel that way, but take comfort in the fact that you won't be the last. And also, that you won't always feel that way." It's terribly comforting for me and, I will boldly say, for all of us, to be reassured of this.

I was talking to my wonderful and supportive friend the other day at work. And I shot him the link to the terribly exposing post about my feelings that I wrote the other day. And instead of laughing and calling me a neurotic girl he said, "It's strangely relieving to see people write those thoughts down." Which made the whole expose of my feelings worth it. To know that someone else, even, oddly, someone THAT I KNEW, totally got why I was writing it all down in the first place.

And to know that others identify with my experience and appreciate the things that I get down, no matter how shittily composed it is? That truly is the best compliment ever.

***

I don't have a question today. But I would like to start posting my Workout Wins, which is basically one good thing about my daily workout. So today's Workout Win: I woke up and ran six miles and didn't complain once.

How to Be Open and Honest with Boys

So remember that post that I wrote about being super rejected by a boy that I like? Well, as a follow up, he ended up texting me a steady stream of messages over the past two weeks, concluding in a slightly weird third-ish date where he invited me to go to karaoke with his friends at a gay bar downtown. Which, as a to-do for a Saturday night, was amazing. But as a date, was not exactly what I had in mind.

And then a lot more text messaging ensued, to no actual fruition. Which was frustrating and I think I broke up with him about four times in an hour. Even though we aren't actually at the stage where I can do that. But since it's my neurotic female brain, I did. And then I read this AMAZING post by Kate over at Eat The Damn Cake about being straightforward and honest and open with the opposite sex. And I stopped grumbling about how I SHOULD BE COURTED GODDAMMIT and wrote this very open and honest (and still hypothetical) email to my potential suitor. Even if I don't send it, it makes me feel better to get it out in the open.

(I'm resisting the urge to start this email with the word "so". But I really want to.)

So, I've been thinking (I'm sure those four words are initiating knot formation in your stomach. Don't worry, it's not one of those emails.).

(Okay, yea it is. Sorry!)

I've been thinking that I genuinely like spending time with you. Or rather I like when I get to laugh at the ridiculous things you say and talk about surfing and car restoration and slightly underground hip-hop music. I like that you use big words that I don't really know the meaning of, though I can usually figure it out from context clues. There's other things I like, but I think that's a good summary for the purposes of this email.

But (Ah! But! Ah!) I'm busy. I have a really awesome and full life, ridiculous friends, hobbies that I love, and plans. To be somebody. And to go somewhere (cue Sister Act theme song). The truth is, I kind of want someone to share all the fullness with, not just someone who I get to sleep with once in a while. I don't really even love sharing my space, though I'm working on being comfortable with that. And while I'm REALLY trying to be open to more modern ideas of dating, I can't stand all of this text-you-when-I-feel-like-it-even-if-I-don't-have-anything-to-say nonsense. I don't really get down with the text message. I truly only stare at my phone when I'm nervous or spacing out and actually thinking about something else. I want to spend actual time with someone and get to know them and decide whether or not I want to continue talking about surfing and slightly underground hip-hop with them. By "them", I mean "you". Phone calls are also acceptable for the purposes of getting to know someone, but I get not wanting to yammer away on the phone all the time. Brain cancer and what not.

If you're busy, that's fine. Really, I get it and I'm not trying to be clingy or needy or impatient (okay, definitely not #1 and #2. #3 is just a consequence of my existence, whether I try to be it or not). But just let me know. "Hey, girl, I'm busy this week so I can't hang, but I'd like to kick it on XX day if you're available." That would make me so excited because then I could schedule it into my calendar and all would be right and organized in the world.

And if you don't like me? That's also totally fine. My mom says for every old sock there's an old shoe. Which I think is actually meant to be negative and about mean people, but I'm going to go with it because I am lacking another metaphor right now. But if you really feel kind of vanilla about me, just tell me. My feelings won't be hurt. Well, maybe a little, but again, I'm impatient and if I have to have hurt feelings, I'd rather have them hurt now and get over it by lunchtime than wait four days for a text message that says nothing and then have to reevaluate whether or not I still actually like you. All that waiting and questioning and indecision...it's a lot for my slightly neurotic female brain to handle.

I wish I was as effusive in real life as I am on paper. I could likely say none of this in person. I would instead probably push my vegetables around on my plate with my fork and shift uncomfortably in my seat, hoping that I could look at you through my bangs and that you would know exactly what I'm thinking. I'm also very self conscious about how I'm going about writing this. This is how I write, and while I'm hoping you're appreciative of my honesty and attempt at being straightforward with my feelings, I feel like you're also silently wishing you could take out a red pen and strikethrough a few of these sentences. Let it be known, I'm resisting the urge to self-edit.

There's a lot of other things I want to say. I want to describe how I'm actually terribly emotional, and it's almost embarassing sometimes. How I frequently use the phrase "my soul is exploding" and don't find it all that weird when someone asks me how my heart feels. There's lots of things I could tell you about myself in a witty and somewhat self-deprecating way, but I'd rather you get to experience it first hand. Or at least want to experience it first hand.

It is at this point that I would like to say that I'm terrible at conclusions. I feel like I should say "In sum," and then whip out a summary. But this is all too stream-of-consciousness to summarize, except to say "I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No."

Lauren

So what do you guys think? Should I send it? And for any of you men out there that read this, what would you think if you got an email like this from a girl?

How to (Gracefully) Deal With Rejection - Part II

If you read my post last week about dealing with the shitstorm that life can sometimes be, I'd like to kick it up a notch and discuss other types of rejection.

So not only did I have the-most-unimpressive-follow-up-to-the-most-impressive-date-ever on Monday I also got a letter last Monday that I was not offered the bomb job that I'd interviewed for just two weeks prior.

(Also, sidenote, who still sends rejection letters? Are we living in the 80s? These are likely the same people who can't imagine conducting business without a fax machine. Every doctor I've ever had, I'm looking at you!)

So yep, doble-shitstorm (thats Spanish for holy effing crap this day could not get any worse) on the same day. So after I cried a little bit, I put on my big girl pants and promised myself I wouldn't mope. Moping is for losers and I am most certainly a NOT that (likely because I scream out WINNING whenever the mood strikes me.)

This is how I (gracefully) dealt with said professional setback (aside from crying in my coffee on my couch for 20 minutes):

I went into networking overdrive

I literally sent 5 emails on Monday afternoon to contacts that I had made over the last year, asking what they were up to and also, hey, did you have any advice for someone going through the awful process of trying to find a new job. I asked for leads, friends of friends, companies they'd think I'd flourish at professionally. I let it be known that I was looking to GROW, that I was looking to GET OUT THERE, and that I really wanted to leave my current place of employment.

Please note that I did not ask for a job from any of these people. That sounds all desperate-y and like I had gotten rejected from a job and spent all morning on my couch crying in my coffee (or something). I simply made it clear that I was looking to gain a "different experience" and "really expand my skill set." There were lots of other cliche catch phrases, I assure you.

This method is akin to FINALLY letting your friends set you up with whomever it is they think is perfect for you. All you need to do is ask, instead of saying "No. I DO NOT need any help. I can do everything MYSELF." (I've obviously never said that to myself in the mirror over and over again.)

I sent presents

The woman that recommended me for this bomb job interview had followed up with me a few times to ask how it was going. It was an awesome confidence booster, but more importantly, she's pretty big time at her own job. It took some time and effort for her to a) even remember my name and b) take ten minutes out of her day to remember to ask me how it was going. Though I didn't get placed, I sent her a bottle of wine thanking her for her encouragement. Sincerely. Because it really meant a lot to me that she believed in me that highly and really felt strongly that I was a good candidate.

A small gift goes a long way; even if I didn't get this job, you can bet the next time a job opens up in my recommender's professional circle, she'll likely pass the resume of the girl who sent her some Malbec instead of the girl who cried in her coffee and did nothing.

And then, while I was in the present sending game, I sent some wine to my roommate for letting me borrow her tri suit and to my current boss for letting me stay at her house. Because I was down in the dumps and sending presents to people to have them say "OOOH! YOU! You are SO thoughtful and wonderful and, like, THEEE BEST EVERRRR!" That's kinda nice.

I said thank you

I think one of the hardest thing about truly good leadership is making decisions that affect other people negatively. It's immensely difficult to tell someone they didn't get a job or to fire someone or to let them know that the bonuses we were all counting on aren't coming through. That's some hard business, and generally, that's the kind of thing that no one likes to be tasked with. So instead of being all bitter and angry at the hiring manager, I wrote her a very sincere thank you email saying just that. That I knew how difficult the decision must have been and that I hope she keeps me in mind for future positions in her department. Which she did, and emailed me last week with the name and email of the hiring manager for a business development position and for an editorial position. All that from a two-minute email.

I asked for feedback

So after I wrote a very lovely thank you paragraph of an email, I also asked for some feedback that could make me a stronger candidate. I phrased it very cheerfully, not defensively, and made it clear that I really just wanted to become a better interviewer and build my professional skill set. And when the hiring manager offered to chat with me over the phone, I was positive, inquisitive, and appreciative. I'm sure it's frightening to call someone who you've just turned down for a job, so my tone on the phone was very inviting and I was never negative. She ended up giving me some fantastic insight into how I interview, while at the same time praising my skills as a candidate.

So, no, I'm not perfect. And yes, it's been a shitty few weeks. And I was reading a really awesome book by Anne Lamott yesterday on the train called Bird by Bird about becoming a writer humbly and having faith constantly and being spiritual effervescently (and yes, I cried. Stop judging me.) and I nearly slammed it shut, quit my job and went to live in the woods and write anecdotes about how terrible and beautiful my life is.

(But then I decided I like indoor plumbing too much. And also, it would cut into the amount of time I dance around my room in my underwear. I can't see Pandora working too well in the backcountry.)

So instead, I just want to let the three of you out there who read this know that maybe no one told you that life was so overwhelming and complicated and will make you cry a lot into your coffee. Actually, no one told me this and I'm finding it out pretty much every day. But I think if you can find the hilarity in the madness that is life, and take breaks from being so concerned that it's not going the way you want it to go, then you'll be fine. Or at least just about as good as anyone else. Certainly better than the girl on the couch with the tear-filled mug.

What do you guy do when faced with serious career-slash-life rejection? Also, anyone want to hire an overwhelmed but positive writer who dances around in her room pantsless?

How To (Gracefully) Deal With Rejection

Sooo if you've been reading LLB for a while, you know I'm maybe a little good at giving you all pep talks. I like to take the shitstorm that has hit me smack in my left eye and turn it into a learning opportunity, not only for me, but for all of you too. Even if "you" consists of my extended family and some people I pay to scan this site for errors.

This week, I've been dealing with some pretty extreme rejection. Like, shitstorm of rejection. Rejection up the wazoo. I'm not really even sure I spelled "wazoo" right, but that's not the point. The point is that I've been really upset with all of the shit that's been going down. It's like the invisible hand of the universe likes to play with me; I feel like I've figured it out, things are going well, I'm slowly starting to get a handle on things and then

WHA-BAM

Shitstorm. Of Rejection.

And then I turn on some Coldplay and hide under my covers.

(Untrue. I don't really like Coldplay.)

So, here's the situation. And even though I try not to blather on about my personal problems, I'm going to blather. Because it's my blog. So there.

The situation is that I met a boy. On the interwebz. And he was lovely and sweet via the interwebz, which I knew was not pretense that he would also be lovely and sweet via the real world. But then he was. And it was magical and I was totally like "YES! FINALLY!" And I fist pumped a little, like Elliott and Bowie. And I had butterflies, and text messages flew back and forth and a second date was set within 12 hours of the first date concluding.

And I started picking out his and her towels and planning our weekends in the Hamptons.

(I mean, I didn't design the wedding invitations. Who do you think I am?)

And so there I was, going into a weekend away in New England, excited about this first awesome encounter with a decent distraction for the four days in between dates. And then I felt a complete vibe shift. Like, it was so 180 degrees, I thought I had made it up in my head. That I was being paranoid and the fact that I didn't hear from him until like 5 hours before our date meant absolutely nothing. But I went into Date #2 and was totally right. It wasn't as exciting or as hilarious or as UH-MAYZ-ING as Date #1. I still felt the butterflies (still do, although they are admittedly fewer) but it was like he hadn't shown up to play. It was definite date fake-age. I wanted to call a foul on him for false starting and give him a fifteen yard penalty.

And so here's what went on in my head:

"Oh my god. I'm so unattractive. If my nose was smaller, he'd totally be so into me. I didn't play hard enough to get. I should have been more open and honest. I shouldn't have drank so much. I should have sent funny, flirty text messages. My outfit was too Williamsburg and not enough West Village. I wasn't funny. I said the wrong thing. Oh God, did I get drunk and talk about things I shouldn't have talked about? My hair IS A MESS. WHO GAVE ME THIS HAIRCUT?! GOD, MY HAIR RUINS EVERYTHING!"

And then I dissolved into tears at my desk. Which is professional, to say the least.

So after you stop shaking your head and telling me "Listen, Lauren, you MIGHT be overreacting a little bit," I'd like to say that I know I'm not the only one who has gone through this nightmare of finally (FINALLY!) meeting someone that you like. No, REALLY like. And having it go so well that you can't believe you could feel as awesome you feel right at that moment. And then feeling ten thousand times more terrible when it doesn't work out. Shitty right? Yep. Definite shitstorm. So here's what I've told myself about dealing with this rejection:

It's not because you didn't sleep with him

(And it is in this moment that I'm glad my dad doesn't know how to use the comments section of Blogger.)

(Diane, don't teach him, either).

It's easy to think that because you said no, or balked at the prospect of sleeping with a guy, that he decided he didn't like you. I will say, as a girl with three brothers and enough guy friends that are total douches, NO MAN IN THE WORLD will STOP liking you because you said "No" to the big sex. Case in point: My brother is a guys guy, who has talked about women as pieces of meat and definitely gone out with girls before just to get laid. But then he met a girl that he really freakin' liked. And she was "waiting until sex for marriage". And you know what? He bit the bullet and dated her for three months because the connection was that strong. And then she broke up with him. Yep, he liked her that much AND she still broke his heart. So if he can do it, every other man in this world can do it. If you aren't comfortable, say no. If he stops calling, you made the right decision. (You can tell this happened to me with the above mentioned gentleman caller).

(Also, sorry for airing all your shit out there, Andy. It's for the greater female good. I'll buy you Twizzlers next time I see you.)

It's not because of your outfit/hair/larger than average Italian nose.

If you made it to Date #2, he knows that you're pretty bomb and pretty fun to talk to and laugh with. And he is also a guy. So if he didn't like what you were wearing/what you looked like/how you smelled on Date #1, he would have cut that shit and not asked you out on a second date. I get all insecure about the way I look all the time because, for the most part, I think I'm normal, funny, interesting, smart, and genuinely nice. And I've been single for ages, and so the only thing I can point to is the larger than average Italian nose and wish that I looked more like the dark, ethnic, Sicilian side of the family. But I know that's not true. And even if there was a guy out there who loved everything about me except for the jeans I wore? I'd have to say he needs to get over himself and stop wishing that Angelina Jolie is going to someday get over Brad Pitt. And point of reference, my butt looked better than hers in those jeans, thankyouverymuch.

It's not because of something you believe in or have hope for

Stop it right this second. Your dreams and your favorite ice cream and everything you love to do is exactly what it should be and if a guy doesn't like it or is intimidated by it, then it's totally his loss. Like, he should probably man up and get some of his own hobbies, or at least respect you for finding things that interest you. You're a lovely chickadee and you shan't need to feel like you need to change all the lovely ideas that are floating around in your brain so that a guy will like you. As the song goes, "Don't go changing, to try to please (a dude)." And if it's in song lyrics written by Billy Joel, then you know that shit is gospel. Preach, Billy.

So if it's not all of those things, then what is it?

Hell if I know. But generally, I know that, no matter how hard I try, there's nothing I can personally do to make someone change their mind about me. All I can be is me. And as cliche and non-tangible and non-concrete as that sounds, that's what I have to put my faith in to not get bogged down by all the terrible and negative shit that happens on the day to day in the world of dating. What I will say, is that I try very hard to be the best version of myself. I try to be open and honest and encouraging. I smile a lot on dates and laugh a lot too, because there's nothing worse than sitting for two hours with someone who looks like they'd rather be anywhere else than with you.

And even though this most recent rejection still hurts, I know that I'll get over it. And hopefully it will be sooner rather than later, because I hate it when I get all teary in the middle of the day because my hair is frizzy. MY FREAKING HAIR RUINS EVERYTHING!!

How do you guys deal with rejection?

How To Be Lovely

I was trying for ages to come up with ways to be your lovely little selves, but I think my girl Sara Haze sums it up pretty well.

Sidenote: I actually did a pirouette in the middle of Park Avenue when I heard this song. How very New-York-City-fairytale.

I don't wanna be her

I just wanna be little old me

I shouldn't have to think

Who am I supposed to be today?

And what gave you the right

To tell me who I should be?

Who gave you that right?

Cuz I

I feel lovely

Just the way that I am

Yes I

I feel lovely

The way that I am

I know you want the best

Yea, only good things for me

But you have to realize

I can't be all these things

You project on me

Cuz I'm beautiful to me

Doesn't that mean a thing

I

I feel lovely

Just the way that I am

Yea

Yes I

I feel lovely

The way that I am

I need that to be enough for you

Need that to be enough for you

Cuz it's enough for me

It's enough for me

Am I supposed to give up everything I am

Just to make you happy?

I thought I was the one

You always wanted me to be

It turns out

I'm just little old me

I'm just little old me

And that's fine by me

What songs make you feel lovely?

Whattup Internet?!

The internet? Is wide. And vast. And despite all of my attempts to reach the absolute end of it each day at work, there is still so. Much. Out. There.

What's catching my fancy this week?

1. This?! Is hilarious. Like, laugh-out-loud-at-work-and-have-to-muffle-it-with-a-coughing-fit hilarious. I think I've found my Halloween costume.

2. Oh, I KNEW there was a reason I moved the New York City. Grumble all you want about insufferable heat and broken public transportation and everything costing a million-and-one dollars, one look at these breathtaking photos and you'll be on Craigslist with the rest of us trying to find miniscule apartments on the Upper West Side.

3. I work with a life coach. And she is poetic. And writes things like this that make me realize that nobody (nope, nobody) has this all figured out. Makes me even more encouraged!

4. Oh, and while your at it reading funny and charming and inspirational articles, check out how I compare quad muscle pain to heart pain. Like, in the emotional sense. Still doesn't make sense? Head over to YOGANONYMOUS and read it. It will be crystal clear-ish.

5. I could watch this video called "Dark Side of the Lens" 8000 times. 50% is because it's beautifully shot and the surfing images tug at my heartstrings. The other 50% is that this man's Irish accent makes me melt down to a little ball of love. Swoon.

What have you been reading this week? It's only Tuesday and I'm on interwebz burnout already!

Words for Our Generation

My brother graduated from Vassar the same year that Tom Hanks' daughter graduated. He was their commencement speaker and spoke about our duty to help others. I was just a wee sophomore at Georgetown then, but I remember being mesmerized by his speech and started looking into working for non-profits.

His speech for Yale is equally as captivating, reminding us to be a little more conscious, a little more gentle, a little less "plugged-in-all-the-freakin'-time".

What do you remember from your college graduation? What about your high school graduation?

The Essential Hiking Girl's Gear List

You know what I love?

Trees. And running up the side of tall mountains. And sunshine. And heat lightening storms.

Summer is my favorite season, not only because it takes me five minutes to get out of the house in the morning (no coats! no boots! no "walking to work shoes" that weigh a million pounds) but also because I get to be outside on the weekend hiking, camping, and generally enjoying our wonderful, beautiful northeastern outdoors.

In honor of National Trail Day today, I thought I'd put together a list of things that you'll need to get yourself out on the trail this season. These are all things I bring with me every hike I go on and, while I don't use all of them every time, I always feel a little better knowing that, in case something goes wrong, I have a few things stashed in my pack that can back me up.

Water

The most important thing in my pack, I usually bring three to four liters of water for a normal day hike. More if it's really hot out. Three liters is generally safe, but I always carry extra because, most of the time, problems on the trail can be solved by resting and hydrating. Though I'm in the process of upgrading to a larger pack, right now I carry this CamelBak Day Pak which is awesome because it has BOTH a bladder AND two water bottle pouches for extra water.

Trail Map

You can get the trail map to any national park from any local outdoor store (in New York City, EMS, Paragon Sports, and Tent and Trails all have trail maps for the local area and beyond) or from US Trail Maps. If you don't know how to read a trail map, check out this video for some basic info on trail map reading. They are super easy to read, and show all of the trail "colors" with the first letter of the name of the trail color (like "R" for a red trail or "Y" for a yellow trail.

Moleskin/BandAids

A full-first aid kit (including sanitary wipes, disinfectant cream, rubber gloves, medical scissors, gauze, and an ace bandage) is good to have, but if you aren't planning on hiking a ton, I'd say the most important are moleskin for any blisters that crop up along the trail.

How do you know if you're getting a blister? You'll feel a little warming sensation (or "hot spot") on the surface of your skin, wherever it's rubbing your boot. The minute you feel that, pull out some moleskin and get it on the forming blister as quickly as possible. A blister-in-training is not so bad when it's closed, but if that bad boy breaks? Water torture would be more pleasant than hiking four miles back to the car.

Toilet Paper/Wet Wipes

I'm not actually a fan of using TP in the woods (use a leaf! or shake dry!) because I'm usually so focused on not falling over and/or peeing on my foot. But TP can have many other uses, such as tissues, a makeshift gauze pad, or to clean something. Wet wipes are also good to have if you just like to feel a bit cleaner when you stop for lunch.

Bug Spray/Bug Coils

You know what's annoying? Gnats flying in your face. I actually don't care too much about mosquitos (I'm that friend that never gets bitten by them) but stopping on the trail and having a fistful of gnats swarm into your mouth is shitty. Stop them by loading up on the bug spray. My fave are Ben's Wipes because it's really easy to apply and it doesn't accidentally get squirted into your mouth like the spray kind does.

Another favorite piece of gear that I like (which is totally not necessary, but good for long rest periods) are these Mosquito Coils. I discovered these in Thailand while rock climbing, and it's awesome when you're hanging out in the woods and not walking a whole lot. You can hang them in trees or off of rocks and they keep the bugs away while you're grabbing a snack, eating lunch, or just lounging on a rock overlook. Plus, they smell a little like incense which always makes me feel a little luxurious.

Sunscreen

This is a total no brainer. See here, here, and here.

Rain Gear

The weather up here in the northeast is fickle. Sometimes, I hit up weather.com and it says clear skies and two hours into the hike, I'm hiding under a mountain laurel bush trying to escape the downpour. And then two minutes later it's sunny again. To avoid hiking in wet clothes, I always bring a rain jacket at least. If you don't want to carry around another layer, bring a plastic garbage bag which can double as a poncho in a pinch.

Extra Layer and Extra Socks

I'm not as diligent about bringing an extra layer in the summer, but sometimes it's nice to have an extra set of base layers in case a) it starts to flash flood and you still have 6 miles to hike in wet clothes, or b) you bound off of a river rock only to find yourself knee deep in stream water (I've seen this happen. The subsequent 4 hours was miserable for everyone). It may weigh a few more pounds, but at least you'll be dry.

Pocketknife/Multitool

I've never actually had to use this yet but there are like 9,000 things that you could use it for. When I figure out what they are, I will post a comprehensive list.

Chapstick

All that water drinking and sun and heavy breathing really does a number on your lips. I keep, like, eight chapsticks in my pockets because my lips always, without fail, get chapped. And it's sucky to have to lick them every five seconds so that there is some level of moisture.

Flashlight/Headlamp

In the winter months, this is somewhat essential, since the sun goes down at, like, five o'clock. In the summer, I still carry it, but hardly use it. However, that's not to say that you won't get lost, lose the trail, misjudge how quickly you hike, which means you may not always have the sunlight to help you see your trail markers. At any rate, a headlamp is a good investment regardless. I take mine on airplanes and when I travel to countries where my accommodations may not include electricity all night long.

Now put down your computer and get out on the trail!

What do you bring with you when you head out on the trail?

My First Kiss

You guys? My first kiss did NOT go a little like this (below video). It was after my friend Robyn's bat mitzvah in the coat closet of her parents' country club with a nice Jewish boy from a neighboring town. I remember it being sort of uncomfortable and a little grape flavored.

All boys need to watch this video so that they know how they really should celebrate kissing girls. (My personal favorite part is when Elliott delicately moves the hair out of Bowie's face so he has unbridled access to her Lip Smackers' softened kisser. He's sort of the man.)

I vote for more cheering and fist-pumping and less uncomfortable eye contact and awkward silences post first-kiss-on-the-lips.

What was your first kiss like? Was he even close to the kind of gentleman Elliott is?

My 26th Year in Review

I turned 26 on Monday. I now have one foot in the grave.

If you read my Monday Morning Mantra from this week, you'll know that I get pensive around my birthday every year. I start benchmarking what I was doing last year to what I'm doing this year, and planning long term goals for the coming year.

Really, it's a lot of journal writing, wine drinking, and probably more crying than is necessary. I even listen to some Ani DiFranco.

So what's the consensus on the year of 26? Well, as you can see by my side tab, I did far fewer of the things on my "26 Things in my 26th Year" list. Yep, I came up hopelessly short. I didn't even make half. I blame it on Asia.

But in the interest of being kind to myself, I have to look at the year as a whole. Because, no I didn't check too many things off of my list, but that's because I was busy doing other awesome and amazing things.

I killed my comfort zone: Like, my boundaries of comfort are monumental since I flew back from the opposite side of the world. Yes, I know. I talk about my trip to Asia a lot. But, a year ago, a solo, three month trip wasn't even on my radar. I would sulk if I didn't have Friday night plans. And then I found Sarah and realized that maybe complete solo travel was something I could do. And in all that impromptu trip-planning and apartment-moving and furniture-selling and long-flight-taking and sitting-on-my-backpack-in-Vietnamese-bus-terminals, I realized that I can deal with some shit and then I can figure out how to make the best of it. As a traveling partner (a male) once said to me on the last leg of my trip "I don't know how you did this all by yourself. It's just so damn uncomfortable to be alone all the time." Comfort zone is relative, and I have grown the most by pushing the limit of it.

I stopped doing and started feeling: My 23rd, 24th, and 25th years were a lot about doing. I had found a job that gave me a decent enough salary (basically one in which I could eat more than Raman every night. My parents were totally stoked that my $120,000 Georgetown degree was finally paying some returns.) and it was relatively low stress. When the economy crashed, I had even more free time to...well, just explore. I explored Manhattan, becoming a pseudie-foodie (hah, I just made that up!) and finally figuring out what Milk&Honey actually was. I started to travel, going abroad, learned to scuba dive, started running. I took dance classes and volunteered. I basically started living an adult life.

And while I still do all of that (minus the foodie-ism) I am starting to become more acutely aware of my motivation behind "doing it all". I have put less (although still a little) pressure on myself to "get it all done" and to "try everything once" and focus more on enjoying the things that really make me happy. I'm listening to those tingly feelings I get when I hit a long run, and noticing the flip flops in my stomach that come when I'm in the great outdoors. So maybe I won't ever try sheep riding, but that's okay. It gives me more time to do the stuff I really want to do.

I am more aware: My nieces and nephew are bomb, not only because I can totally get away with buying them $0.99 Disney stickers for every holiday, but because they are totally freakin' amazed. By everything. Like, puddles on the sidewalk? Fascinating. 10 minutes of fascinating. Five senses and ten minutes of amazing. And while they are a little more aware than I actually have time for (because I don't think my boss would appreciate if I stared at my keyboard for 20 minutes talking about how really freakin' cool it was), I'm trying to get out of the "seen that, done that" mentality and really notice what's going on around me. Because have you ever noticed how tall the buildings in Manhattan are?

I let it go a lot more: After rushing around so much the past few years, I've had more than enough personal and professional heartache to realize that really, really big success? Well, that comes with some really big fuck ups (yes, I'm swearing. You know it's true when I swear). And instead of falling to pieces and feeling like I'll never dig myself out of this stupid freakin' hole that I'm in, I remember all of the other times I've been let down, go for a run, and know that, eventually, I'll get to where I want to go.

What have you learned in the last year? I'm still working on tons of stuff too, though. Any words of wisdom for me as I kickoff my 27th (eek!) year?

Monday Morning Mantra: Be Kind to Yourself

Courtesy of my fam over at Yoganonymous

Despite playing that game with my blog of I'll-ignore-you-and-hope-posts-magically-appear-on-your-homepage (it's kind of like Twister only way less athletic), I've still been posting over at Yoganonymous.

Head on over and listen to me yammer on about why you should be kind to yourself, because, sometimes, you're all you've got!

How are you kind to yourself? What do you do to give yourself a little treat every now and then?