5 Things You Should Know About Your Workout

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Okay, so I know I talk a bunch about living life to the fullest and being an adventurer and living your dream life. But I haven't quite figured out how to make that a full-time gig (I'm workin' on it. If you figure it out, holler at your girl).

So in real life, everyday? I:

1) Sit at a desk and make sure people are properly caffeinated

2) Workout in a schmancy gym

Now, maybe I'm not the authority on all things fitness, but I've run 4 marathons, lost about 6 pounds of fat and gained 5 pounds of muscle, and regularly get told that I have a really nice bum (by my roommate. But still.) So here's how to stop wasting away on the recumbent bike, and start actually fitting into your skinny jeans.

1. Intensity. Not minutes. So, you know how you see those people that have been on the treadmill for like twelve hours (I admit, I used to be one of them)? Yea, well, I'm glad they have a lot of time to run their brains out, but the rest of us have worlds to dominate and minds to blow.

If you normally spend sixty minutes on the 'mill, walking and flipping through Vogue, leave the mag in your bag and try 30 minutes alternating: 1 minute run, 2 minutes walk. You should spend the 1 minute breathing so hard you don't have time to flip a page and the other 2 minutes trying to breathe into every cell in your body to get ready for that next REALLY hard minute. Also, maybe thirty seconds complaining in your head how you don't want to do ANOTHER FREAKING HARD MINUTE.

2. Showing up is good. But trying hard is even better.

I have an intense session with a trainer tomorrow morning, so I decided to keep tonight's workout a little light on the power cleans.

*ENTER CARDIO KICKBOXING*

I'm not much of a fan of cardio classes, but this one promised that there would be "energizing music" (hopefully in the form of Pat Benetar and/or Wham!).

And who did I stand behind? A girl who came in wearing a sparkly tank top, chatted it up with the instructor and then stood around after she had done, like, six roundhouse kicks. Chick wasn't even breaking a sweat.

To which I say: Lady? I'm glad you made it on time, but if you regularly show up to this class to the point where you are on a first-name basis with the instructor, Imma need you to put some power behind your uppercut. Cuz spending 45 minutes INSIDE the workout room does not a workout make.

Don't pat yourself on the back for just showing up. At least break a sweat. And if you've gotta take a break from the action, try not to do it with your arms crossed while you're making sure your bangs are swooped perfectly over your right eye.

3. Lay off the elliptical. Along the lines of #1 above, the elliptical should really be reserved for

a) warming up

b) those who are injured and can't do a more vigorous style of workout

c) my grandma.

If you are a healthy male or female that spends a good amount of time at the gym and are using exclusively the elliptical machine to burn your calories and tone your tum-tum, I hope you eat solely spinach and water. Exercise should be forty-five minutes of hard-ass work, not something you can do while talking on your cell phone.

I know some of you out there may not like this, but have you ever watched the Biggest Loser? These are people who are MORBIDLY OBESE and who are running, lifting weights and doing plyometrics (jumping and hopping and stuff). They don't chat to their friends about Gossip Girl during their workout because.......they want to lose weight. Same principles apply to you, girl who is staring horrified at me while slamming closed your flip phone.

4. Working out isn't an excuse to gorge on Snickers. Oh, how I wish it was though.

There are months when I'll work out six days a week. There are months when I work out zero days a week (aka winter). If I'm eating right during those months (veggies and protein and LIMITED non-vegetable carbs), the increase in my weight or waistline is very minimal. However, there was a point where I was training for a marathon and actually gained weight. Why? Because I thought 6 miles = 600 calories burned = two slices of pizza and a beer.

I was wrong, and I have a larger size of running pants to prove it.

Bottom line: diet is 80%. In my case, it's 90%. Pretend like it's 99% and hitting the gym is a good excuse to stare at cute personal trainers and take a really, really hot shower.

5. If all else fails, do squats. And pushups. Seriously. There's a reason that every single personal trainer will have you do some variation of a squat and a pushup during your session.

They work.

These two exercises (along with the lunge, the jumping jack, the pullup, and a handful of other simple-to-do exercises) were man's answer to the gym before gym's existed.

So no matter how nicely I've printed out my Women's Health workout before I get onto the gym floor, sometimes the gym rat in the free-weight area is scary and I can't get up the guts to rotate in on his equipment. Instead of wasting my workout, I head to the mat area and just. Start. Squatting. I'll squat quickly, with weights, slowly, with a medicine ball. I'll alternate with pushups, lunges, and do some jumping for good measure. As long as I do that for 45 minutes, even though I don't know how many reps or sets or whatever it is that people measure these days, I have faith in my twitching muscles that I've done a decent workout for the day.

So that's how I get it done and manage not to get to the size of a house. Cuz I gots me some Italian genes, and the guys in the Sopranos? That's me and mi famiglia. Another reason to pass on the cannolis, amiright?

Also, for the record, I've never done a power clean. That shiz looks frightening, yo'!

What are some workout tips that you guys have for me? Any workouts that you particularly love that I should try?

The Latest Diet Makeover

I'm currently following Tim Ferriss "Four Hour Body" eating plan (read: diet that I am too embarrassed to call a diet). The basic premises of this lifestyle are as follows:

1. Don't eat anything white: No pasta, bread, rice, whole grains, quinoa, barley cookies, things that are in any way processed or yummy tasting. And definitely no pancakes.

2. No fruit: Something about glucose and insulin spiking. At any rate, I miss bananas, people.

3. Eat the same foods: This is for simplicity and also to make the diet easier for people like me who hate buying produce and watching half of it go to waste. Since there are fewer foods that are allowed on this diet, I have more incentive to buy larger packages and eat them more often. For example, instead of using a cookbook that gives me 15 produce items to buy in a week so that my diet is "well balanced" this diet says "spinach and broccoli and eggs are always good for you and, if you can stand it, eat it at every meal." I feel less wasteful and it cuts my shopping budget in half.

Well what if you get bored with the food? Well, then I guess I'd go on some other point-counting, processed food made diet. But since I want to eat whole foods and be healthy, this works really well.

4. Don't drink calories: As a water and tea drinker, this is never a problem for me. Unless you put a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke in front of me. Then you are just a cruel human being.

5. Take one day off a week and go nuts: And nuts, I go. Today I had cookies for breakfast, followed by a lobster roll from Luke's Lobster in Manhattan, and Indian Curry for dinner (with a bagel thrown in for good measure). And I had to take a two hour nap and generally felt miserable the whole day. I'm actually looking forward to lentils tomorrow.

There are two things that make this diet completely worth it.

1. I feel un-freaking-believeable. Like never tired or cranky or caffeine deprived. I wake up with energy, I feel like throughout the day, even though I am eating constantly, and I don't ever feel hungry or wistful about food because I know that at any moment, if I really want, I can just house a spoonful of beans or some salsa and broccoli spears.

2. I get a cheat day. It's so glorious to know that I get to go bananas for one full 24 hour period. I get so excited that I write down all of the things I'm going to eat on my cheat day. Bagels are big on the list, with cupcakes clocking in at a close second.

So far, this eating plan isn't all that different from the one I was following before (except this one praises beans and lentils whereas the Paleo Diet doesn't include them. My protein sources are already limited, and eating tuna from a can was getting old). I feel great about it though since it doesn't make any specific recommendations about salt intake which means I go out to dinner or grab takeout (mostly Mexican and sometimes Thai) more than I have on other diets in the past. It's good news, people. Reeaaally good.

How do you feel about a whole foods diet? What are some positive eating habits you've gotten into over the past few years that make you feel better?

My Saturday Vice: Netflix

You know what can turn an entire Saturday morning, rife with brunch plans and workout dates and errand running into me cuddled under my covers eating cookie dough out of a package?

Netflix.

That's right. Streaming movies on my little Mac turns me from productivity diva into Weepy McWeeperson watching White Oleander or reruns of Full House (that little Michelle was so dang cute!).

This morning, I even tried to cancel my membership, in hopes of regaining my Saturday morning errand-running mojo. I could barely get myself to hover my mouse over the "Cancel my Subscription" link. Damn you and your uncontrollable hold on me, Netflix!

Excuse me while I go cuddle up and finish watching Shutter Island.

Do you guys have any time-sucking vices that you just can't seem to get rid of? Wanna curl up next to me and watch the latest streaming of Modern Family? I'll bake you cookies!

Monday Morning Mantra #4: Feed The Good Wolf, Y'all!

Rawr! It's Monday. And this week it's about wolves and ways not to scream out your window at that lady that just jacked your parking spot or walks to damn slow up the subway stairs. Get over to YOGANONYMOUS and check out my guest post. Did I mention there's wolves?

How to be Awesome

Got 15 minutes? Check out Neil Pasricha's TED Talk on the simple joys of life.

If you don't have 15 minutes, Neil Pasricha is the first generation son of Indian immigrants. He talks in a funky sort of prose about his divorce, a friend's suicide, and why he still lives his life in an AWESOME way. He blogs over at 1000 Awesome Things about all the simple things that make our lives so great (like Twisting the Lid Off the Jar that No One Else Could and The Smell of Babies).

Cut Yourself Some Slack

Is it Monday already?

Go start your week over at YOGANONYMOUS with my post on how I justify lounging around in my pajamas eating the frosting off cupcakes and dreaming of my eventual world domination in between cat naps in the sun. Or something.

Why I Run: A Fill-In-The-Blank

It makes me feel:

1. Strong

2. Secure

3. Confident

4. Badass

5. Independent

No, I'm not a speed demon but it helps me:

1. Concentrate

2. Sort things out

3. Push myself

4. Remember the good stuff

5. Forget the rest

In the past twelve months, running has:

1. Helped me network professionally

2. Introduced me to some AWESOME new friends

3. Allowed me to travel all over the country

4. Made my lifestyle more inclusive of other types of fitness

5. Boosted my positive outlook a million percent

Five words that I associate with running:

1. Light

2. Focused

3. Free

4. Giddy

5. Calm

My favorite things about running are:

1. Balega sports socks -- so cushy

2. The view from the top after climbing a really tough hill

3. Letting my legs fly on a downhill

4. The wind that cools me in the summer

5. The sound of my breath when everything else around me is silent

I'll never stop running because:

1. My tush looks amazing

2. It makes me feel like a badass chick when I'm done

3. It helps me clear the clutter in my brain

4. I don't have to

5. I don't want to

What is your exercise drug of choice? Hiking, biking, golfing, yoga? Whatever it is, do the above fill-in-the-blank and remind yourself why it's good to keep the body movin'!

Daily Gratitude

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One of the things that I've started doing this year is keeping a gratitude journal. It is meant to be a record of five things every day that you are grateful for. It could be that it's sunny instead of rainy; warm instead of cold; that you passed your driving test, or that there were chicken fingers for lunch. Or it could simply be that the day is finally over and a new day is beginning very soon. Whatever it is, it is only supposed to take five minutes to write everyday.

The reason that I decided to start this project is because I've had this obnoxious, hardcover book that my sister bought me like a million years ago when I graduated from Georgetown called "The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude" (see? Even the title is obnoxious). It's been in my bookshelf ever since then, and I had only made one entry (presumably the day I got it). On May 29, 2007, I made the following entry of the five things I was grateful for:

1. Rain on hot summer days

2. A new job waiting for me in NYC

3. A refrigerator full of snacks

4. My new tool kit (?? where is this??)

5. Friends who go to the bookstore with me

Okay, so not mind blowing. But still, that day could have been wreaked with havoc and misery. But the fact that I could sit down and find AT LEAST five things that went right that day makes it all the more pleasant in my memory.

So this year, I promised myself that I would finally fill out this dang gratitude journal. Sometimes I'll skip a day accidentally, but since these are my rules, I'm allowed to fill in two days in a row.

My entry from yesterday?

1. Sunshine streaming through my window when I wake up

2. Making the decision to go home and rest when my body feels tired

3. A dad who will listen to me complain

4. Getting my nails done (and the fact that it includes a 5 minute hand massage!)

5. A network of women who support me in my professional and personal life

What are you thankful for today? Would you ever start keeping a gratitude journal?

NEWSFLASH: I Have Life ADD

In the past year, I have:

1) Learned how to surf

2) Created a scrapbook

3) Traveled to seven different foreign countries

4) Skiied on the west coast

5) Became a pescatarian

6) Became a vegetarian

7) Realized I really liked fish and went back to being pescatarian

8) Visited eight different US States

9) Gone hiking

10) Attended a lecture on brain function

11) Finished all of the pages in a journal (!!!)

12) Moved. Twice.

13) Visited the planetarium

14) Started a blog

15) Run from Miami to Key West (okay, not the whole way)

Which leads me to believe that I have life ADD.

Some girls run through boyfriends. Others run through socks. Still others run through friend groups. Me? I run through hobbies. I get really excited about something and decide I have to be THE BEST in the world at THAT THING IMMEDIATELY RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

The trouble is, I work forty (and then some) hours a week, run errands every now and then, work out four or so day, and try to get in a few hours of sleep or two. Put that all together and I get so overwhelmed with all of the fun things that I'm filling my life with, that it doesn't become fun anymore. I just become stressed and feel like I'm letting others down. So this year I pledge to try a few of the following:

Focus. I like to do a lot of things, but I need to focus on the things I LOOOVE to do. Example: My brother invited me to go winter camping in February. I thought it sounded like a really fun challenge, but then I realized it would probably involve me wearing seventeen layers, sleeping on the ground in the snow, and not peeing for three days because it would mean that I would have to drop trou in negative forty degree weather. In a moment of clarity, I declined, and don't feel the least bit bad about snuggling under my covers and watching movies while he and his man friends eat noodle soup from a thermos in a tent with two pairs of gloves on.

Just One Thing A Day. Along the lines of focusing, I found this tip from pro blogger Leo Babauta. Basically, pick one thing that you need to accomplish every day and make sure that happens. If it's the ONLY thing you do, you've won. And if you do anything on top of it, it's all gravy. Breaking up goals into small and measurable tasks can make the big accomplishments things in life easier to tackle. Example: Today, I picked up my laundry. It may sound ridiculous but walking three extra blocks out of the way in 20 degree weather is a challenge, let me tell you. I felt like a champ once I got it home and unpacked it, and even wrote a blog post about it (which was another thing I had been meaning to do. I got TWO things in today. Win!)

Relax and let it happen. Because freaking out over the train delays that made me late to work this morning only made my heart rate faster and my makeup sweat off of my face. It did not, in fact, make me on time to work. Go figure.

Guess what? I'm still employed. Stop worrying, start living. It will all be okay, even if you really don't think it is.

Figure out what I really want. Like, really really want. Yep, I'd like to have a little more pull at my job, but the flat structure of uber-corporate firms generally doesn't allow me to do that. Do I really, really want to travel all the time? That means I have to stop going out to dinner with my girlfriends. Do I really want to live in my own studio apartment? Wave bye-bye to that used Vespa I found on Craigslist. Prioritize, people. Sit down, write a list of all the things you want, and then highlight the ones that you REALLY want. Maybe use a different color for the ones you REALLY REALLY want. At the very least, think about it. Because I guarantee it's not two weeks of vacation a year and a 2% raise in December.

Read the New York Times. Because I like it and I don't do it and I want to. And I feel like putting it on this official list will force me to.

How do you guys get shiz done? Any advice for me to stop scrapbooking and start my career in general life awesomeness?

Thoughts on Our Futures

For all of you who are having trouble looking past tomorrow...

For all of you who are nervous for next week...

For all of you who can't stand the thought of the bitter cold of this winter...

For all of you who say "Next year, I will..."

It's okay. Because you have the power to change it if you really want it.

A Note to Ke$ha

My New Year's Eve Tweet:

"It's the year of Ke$ha and crazypants lipstick. That's what happens when love is your drug."

(Note: I am sometimes funny when I drink champagne.)

After which I received an email from an awesome Aruban (Arubian? friend from Aruba?) friend stating the following:

"Kesha = Horny in Papamiento....all I'm sayin' "

(Note: Papiamento is the language in Aruba, Bonaire, and Curacao.)

So, Ke$ha? Despite my deep and profound love for you and your fashion mistakes/genius, I would advise you to cancel all plans for concerts given in the ABC Islands. Because, well, when you think they're all screaming your name? They're actually screaming horny.

Although, I feel that you have a good sense of humor so you may actually want to book your ABC Islands concerts ASAP.

PS I loved your lipstick on New Year's. Very....Avatar-esque.

xoxoxo,

Lauren (and all Arubian representatives)

Monday Morning Mantra #2: Keep Calm and Carry On

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It's Monday and you know what that means.

No, it is NOT time to pull the covers over your head. And stay away from that snooze button over there.

It's time for the Monday Morning Mantra, all new and shiny and posted up over here at YOGANONYMOUS.

Have you ever been dealt a difficult hand by life and been tempted to lose it? My Monday Morning Mantra this week is to "keep calm and carry on". Yes, inspired by the British World War II poster, "keep calm and carry on" reminds me that when life deals you a big old suckerpunch, sometimes the most appropriate reaction is a deep breath, maybe a little alone time, and the resolution to lift up your noggin and keep moving.

What are you waiting for? Get over to YOGANONYMOUS and check it out!

My 2011 Wish List

Surf more, complain less in 2011

I don't typically make it a habit to make New Year's resolutions because that's too trendy and, as we know, I prefer to walk around in leggings and rainboots therefore can never be at risk to be called "trendy."

So, instead, like the good Type-A girl that I am, I set goals and create wishlists and modify ad nauseum because, like the good dual-personality-ed Gemini that I am, I think us human beings change infinitely and that we shouldn't limit our evolution to goals made on one specific day a year.

Below are the goals that I have for myself this year. I am going to limit it to three per category because, if I really had my way, I'd be making lists about how I want to save the world and eliminate potato blights and own sparkly tights.

Personal

1. Get a piece of freelance writing published

2. Read a new book every other week

3. Become actively involved in a nonprofit organization with whom I donate my time and resources

Financial

1. Save more money than I spend on non-essentials (so NOT rent, utilities, phone bill, and transportation)

2. Donate $1,000 to my favorite charity at the end of the year and $1,000 to my alma mater

3. Track every expense that I have and therefore create a monthly budget for myself

Fitness

1. Run a 3:40 marathon (low enough to qualify for Boston)

2. Do 30 pushups (not girly ones)

3. Make it to the gym 5 days a week

Travel

1. Take a weekend trip by myself and spend two days and two nights alone with my thoughts

2. Get two new stamps in my passport

3. Go on a road trip. For a day, a week, a month. Just get out and drive somewhere not knowing where I'll end up.

Mental

1. Take the 21 Day No Complaint Challenge

2. Take 5 minutes a day to meditate

3. Write the 5 daily things I am thankful about in my gratitude journal everyday

What are the items on your New Years' wish list?