So remember that post that I wrote about being super rejected by a boy that I like? Well, as a follow up, he ended up texting me a steady stream of messages over the past two weeks, concluding in a slightly weird third-ish date where he invited me to go to karaoke with his friends at a gay bar downtown. Which, as a to-do for a Saturday night, was amazing. But as a date, was not exactly what I had in mind.
And then a lot more text messaging ensued, to no actual fruition. Which was frustrating and I think I broke up with him about four times in an hour. Even though we aren't actually at the stage where I can do that. But since it's my neurotic female brain, I did. And then I read this AMAZING post by Kate over at Eat The Damn Cake about being straightforward and honest and open with the opposite sex. And I stopped grumbling about how I SHOULD BE COURTED GODDAMMIT and wrote this very open and honest (and still hypothetical) email to my potential suitor. Even if I don't send it, it makes me feel better to get it out in the open.
(I'm resisting the urge to start this email with the word "so". But I really want to.)
So, I've been thinking (I'm sure those four words are initiating knot formation in your stomach. Don't worry, it's not one of those emails.).
(Okay, yea it is. Sorry!)
I've been thinking that I genuinely like spending time with you. Or rather I like when I get to laugh at the ridiculous things you say and talk about surfing and car restoration and slightly underground hip-hop music. I like that you use big words that I don't really know the meaning of, though I can usually figure it out from context clues. There's other things I like, but I think that's a good summary for the purposes of this email.
But (Ah! But! Ah!) I'm busy. I have a really awesome and full life, ridiculous friends, hobbies that I love, and plans. To be somebody. And to go somewhere (cue Sister Act theme song). The truth is, I kind of want someone to share all the fullness with, not just someone who I get to sleep with once in a while. I don't really even love sharing my space, though I'm working on being comfortable with that. And while I'm REALLY trying to be open to more modern ideas of dating, I can't stand all of this text-you-when-I-feel-like-it-even-if-I-don't-have-anything-to-say nonsense. I don't really get down with the text message. I truly only stare at my phone when I'm nervous or spacing out and actually thinking about something else. I want to spend actual time with someone and get to know them and decide whether or not I want to continue talking about surfing and slightly underground hip-hop with them. By "them", I mean "you". Phone calls are also acceptable for the purposes of getting to know someone, but I get not wanting to yammer away on the phone all the time. Brain cancer and what not.
If you're busy, that's fine. Really, I get it and I'm not trying to be clingy or needy or impatient (okay, definitely not #1 and #2. #3 is just a consequence of my existence, whether I try to be it or not). But just let me know. "Hey, girl, I'm busy this week so I can't hang, but I'd like to kick it on XX day if you're available." That would make me so excited because then I could schedule it into my calendar and all would be right and organized in the world.
And if you don't like me? That's also totally fine. My mom says for every old sock there's an old shoe. Which I think is actually meant to be negative and about mean people, but I'm going to go with it because I am lacking another metaphor right now. But if you really feel kind of vanilla about me, just tell me. My feelings won't be hurt. Well, maybe a little, but again, I'm impatient and if I have to have hurt feelings, I'd rather have them hurt now and get over it by lunchtime than wait four days for a text message that says nothing and then have to reevaluate whether or not I still actually like you. All that waiting and questioning and indecision...it's a lot for my slightly neurotic female brain to handle.
I wish I was as effusive in real life as I am on paper. I could likely say none of this in person. I would instead probably push my vegetables around on my plate with my fork and shift uncomfortably in my seat, hoping that I could look at you through my bangs and that you would know exactly what I'm thinking. I'm also very self conscious about how I'm going about writing this. This is how I write, and while I'm hoping you're appreciative of my honesty and attempt at being straightforward with my feelings, I feel like you're also silently wishing you could take out a red pen and strikethrough a few of these sentences. Let it be known, I'm resisting the urge to self-edit.
There's a lot of other things I want to say. I want to describe how I'm actually terribly emotional, and it's almost embarassing sometimes. How I frequently use the phrase "my soul is exploding" and don't find it all that weird when someone asks me how my heart feels. There's lots of things I could tell you about myself in a witty and somewhat self-deprecating way, but I'd rather you get to experience it first hand. Or at least want to experience it first hand.
It is at this point that I would like to say that I'm terrible at conclusions. I feel like I should say "In sum," and then whip out a summary. But this is all too stream-of-consciousness to summarize, except to say "I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No."
Lauren
So what do you guys think? Should I send it? And for any of you men out there that read this, what would you think if you got an email like this from a girl?
And then a lot more text messaging ensued, to no actual fruition. Which was frustrating and I think I broke up with him about four times in an hour. Even though we aren't actually at the stage where I can do that. But since it's my neurotic female brain, I did. And then I read this AMAZING post by Kate over at Eat The Damn Cake about being straightforward and honest and open with the opposite sex. And I stopped grumbling about how I SHOULD BE COURTED GODDAMMIT and wrote this very open and honest (and still hypothetical) email to my potential suitor. Even if I don't send it, it makes me feel better to get it out in the open.
(I'm resisting the urge to start this email with the word "so". But I really want to.)
So, I've been thinking (I'm sure those four words are initiating knot formation in your stomach. Don't worry, it's not one of those emails.).
(Okay, yea it is. Sorry!)
I've been thinking that I genuinely like spending time with you. Or rather I like when I get to laugh at the ridiculous things you say and talk about surfing and car restoration and slightly underground hip-hop music. I like that you use big words that I don't really know the meaning of, though I can usually figure it out from context clues. There's other things I like, but I think that's a good summary for the purposes of this email.
But (Ah! But! Ah!) I'm busy. I have a really awesome and full life, ridiculous friends, hobbies that I love, and plans. To be somebody. And to go somewhere (cue Sister Act theme song). The truth is, I kind of want someone to share all the fullness with, not just someone who I get to sleep with once in a while. I don't really even love sharing my space, though I'm working on being comfortable with that. And while I'm REALLY trying to be open to more modern ideas of dating, I can't stand all of this text-you-when-I-feel-like-it-even-if-I-don't-have-anything-to-say nonsense. I don't really get down with the text message. I truly only stare at my phone when I'm nervous or spacing out and actually thinking about something else. I want to spend actual time with someone and get to know them and decide whether or not I want to continue talking about surfing and slightly underground hip-hop with them. By "them", I mean "you". Phone calls are also acceptable for the purposes of getting to know someone, but I get not wanting to yammer away on the phone all the time. Brain cancer and what not.
If you're busy, that's fine. Really, I get it and I'm not trying to be clingy or needy or impatient (okay, definitely not #1 and #2. #3 is just a consequence of my existence, whether I try to be it or not). But just let me know. "Hey, girl, I'm busy this week so I can't hang, but I'd like to kick it on XX day if you're available." That would make me so excited because then I could schedule it into my calendar and all would be right and organized in the world.
And if you don't like me? That's also totally fine. My mom says for every old sock there's an old shoe. Which I think is actually meant to be negative and about mean people, but I'm going to go with it because I am lacking another metaphor right now. But if you really feel kind of vanilla about me, just tell me. My feelings won't be hurt. Well, maybe a little, but again, I'm impatient and if I have to have hurt feelings, I'd rather have them hurt now and get over it by lunchtime than wait four days for a text message that says nothing and then have to reevaluate whether or not I still actually like you. All that waiting and questioning and indecision...it's a lot for my slightly neurotic female brain to handle.
I wish I was as effusive in real life as I am on paper. I could likely say none of this in person. I would instead probably push my vegetables around on my plate with my fork and shift uncomfortably in my seat, hoping that I could look at you through my bangs and that you would know exactly what I'm thinking. I'm also very self conscious about how I'm going about writing this. This is how I write, and while I'm hoping you're appreciative of my honesty and attempt at being straightforward with my feelings, I feel like you're also silently wishing you could take out a red pen and strikethrough a few of these sentences. Let it be known, I'm resisting the urge to self-edit.
There's a lot of other things I want to say. I want to describe how I'm actually terribly emotional, and it's almost embarassing sometimes. How I frequently use the phrase "my soul is exploding" and don't find it all that weird when someone asks me how my heart feels. There's lots of things I could tell you about myself in a witty and somewhat self-deprecating way, but I'd rather you get to experience it first hand. Or at least want to experience it first hand.
It is at this point that I would like to say that I'm terrible at conclusions. I feel like I should say "In sum," and then whip out a summary. But this is all too stream-of-consciousness to summarize, except to say "I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No."
Lauren
So what do you guys think? Should I send it? And for any of you men out there that read this, what would you think if you got an email like this from a girl?
2 comments:
Your letter to your special guy is wonderful. Send it to him. Being authentic sets you free. You want him to know the real you even if its a risk to reveal yourself. He may reject you, but it means he's looking for something else, not that you are not worthy. You are worthy of the good stuff, and a good love. You'll find it if you are always authentic and insist on nothing less than what you deserve. You are not neurotic, you are a passionate person, pulled in many directions all at once. I've felt so much of what you said in your letter. You know what: The world needs people like you, and the world needs you to be just as you are. You are a gift and you have something to contribute that no one else can. Be authentic and accept yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, you are just exactly as you need to be to fulfill your purpose in this world. Wishing you all the best...
So I guess this means he hasn't found your blog yet. . . which means he doesn't have google? or an ounce of curiosity? not sure I get this guy. . . . Sorry to be cliche but I bet it will happen when you stop looking, and when it does, it won't be so much work or so much angst. . . Then again, I haven't been in the game since texting was invented, so what do I know? Well, I do love you.
Post a Comment